We live in a society that applauds stress. You have too much to do? You don’t have a moment to breathe? Good, you’ve made it. Add in the violent current events that seem to be in our newsfeeds every single day, and it’s no wonder we’re all constantly worrying about one thing or another.

Both stress and anxiety are normal feelings everyone experiences, Julie Pike, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and expert in the treatment of anxiety disorders, tells SELF. Feeling either one so intensely that it impacts your quality of life? That’s another story—and a sign that you might have an anxiety disorder, which deserves the attention of a mental health professional. But the difference between everyday stress and anxiety that comes with the ups and downs of life is actually way more subtle than you might think.

Here are the main differences between stress and anxiety, and how to know when it’s time to ask for help.

“Think of stress more as a physiological manifestation of what you perceive as an overwhelming threat.” So, you’ve got a huge deadline and have no idea how you’re going to meet it, even if you work around the clock. You’re feeling the pressure, your cortisol levels surge, and your body reacts in various ways—maybe you get a knot in your stomach, your heart rate raises, you get super sweaty, or you might even feel the urge to cry.

Anxiety refers more to those mental thoughts and feelings of worry, apprehension, and even doom, clouding your brain. It can oftentimes be a byproduct of stress. “Anxiety is the perception that our world is too demanding,” Pike says. It leads us to overestimate a particular threat and underestimate our ability to cope.

“Both chronic stress and anxiety can cause myriad health conditions,” Pike notes. Heart problems, asthma, high blood pressure, even high cholesterol, can all be related to long-term sky-high levels of stress and anxiety. To make it worse, a lot of these conditions can be worsened by lack of sleep and pushing ourselves even when we’re exhausted.

Luckily, there are some easy things you can do to both manage stress and calm an anxious brain on a daily basis. Here’s what Pike recommends:

1. H.A.L.T. Pike uses this acronym to explain what we should not let ourselves become: too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. “When we feel like the environment is demanding too much of us, our instinctive reaction is to work harder and that is well intentioned but unhelpful,” she says. “The harder we work the more stress we create. So the counterintuitive but more helpful response is to recognize how stress is impacting us, and stop before it gets out of hand.
2. Make sure your most basic needs are being met. This is an extension of avoiding feeling too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Keep yourself fed throughout the day—that means not waiting until you’re starving and hangry. Tap into your support network to talk through what’s eating at you. And make sure you’re actually making room for some leisure time to decompress and do things you enjoy.
3. Meditate. Even if it’s just a few minutes each day. “I’m a huge fan of guided meditation,” Pike says. Download a meditation app, or go to a yoga class. This body awareness will help you be more in tune with how the environment impacts you—and make it easier to catch yourself and physically relax (aka, stop tensing those shoulders!) when stress takes hold.
4. Do something you value each day. “I like to ask people, ‘What was your favorite part of today?’ If you have a hard time answering that question, then there’s a problem,” Pike says. Obsessively planning or worrying about daily tasks won’t likely be on your faves list, so make sure you do something that is. Think about what you value—maybe it’s a great morning run, or a deep belly laugh with a friend—and make sure it happens.
5. Breathe deeply. It sounds so easy, right? Yet we all forget to do it. Set an alarm on your phone for once an hour that reminds you to take three slow, deep breaths. “It signals to your brain that there is no threat,” Pike says.
6. Watch your words. Throw out phrases like, “I should, I could, I need to,” and replace them with what Pike calls language of choice: “I want to, I would like to.” “Should implies that you’re doing something wrong. You say I could, and now it’s a choice.” It reminds you you’re in control, and elicits a neutral or positive body response, instead of a negative one.

“It’s really a question of when it becomes problematic and when quality of life is really diminished,” Pike says. That’s when you might be dealing with an anxiety disorder, and could benefit from seeing a mental health professional. “Are you not able to fully enjoy and appreciate your relationships? Are you not able to concentrate on work? Are you not able to be present for your kids? Can you not study for school?” If stress and anxiety impairs your life in any of those—or other—ways, and the methods above and your usual coping methods are not effective, talk with a therapist so they can help you sort it out and get the treatment you need.

If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health disorder, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness website for valuable resources to find help and support, or call the toll-free helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264).

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